Hi friends! As a lot of you probably know, this post has been on my mind for the past few months. I really wanted to write about how my friendships have evolved over the past few years as I’ve entered college because I think a post like this would have been helpful for me before I went off to college, as well as during my first year or so at TCU. I hope it can be helpful for those of you who are in college or heading off to college soon!
College can be a tricky time, especially when it comes to friends. Most of the time going to college means you’re moving away from home and to a school where you don’t know many people (at least that was the case for me!). My biggest worries when heading to college were that a) I would lose all of my friends from high school and b) that I wouldn’t make any friends in college. Spoiler alert: there was no reason to worry!
From High School to College
Something that makes me feel unbelievably lucky is how many amazing friends I still have from my high school days (and middle and elementary school too!). There are a few who I’ve lost touch with, and while we may only really keep up with each other via social media, I still value the time we were friends. Sometimes you grow in different directions, and that’s totally okay, because I really believe that there are some people that aren’t necessarily meant to be in your life forever. But that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the times when they were!
The friends I still keep in touch with and see when I come back home are the ones I know will be in it for the long haul. The very beginning of freshman year I probably spent more time in my dorm Facetiming or calling my friends from home than I did trying to make new friends. Luckily, it doesn’t have to be that way (even though those calls and Facetimes are truly what got me through the first month or so of college!).
Your real friends will be there whether you call them everyday or you only manage to check-in a few times a semester. Some friends from home I text daily, others I may only text with every month or so. Some come and visit me (or vice versa), others I only seen while I’m at home. And while this is a huge adjustment from seeing them everyday in high school, it’s become our new normal. I think that’s the biggest takeaway regarding high-school-to-college friendships: you will find a new normal.
I spent a lot of time worrying about how my friendships would change because I didn’t want them to, but the truth is it won’t always be the exact same as it was in high school. What I did learn is that your friendships will evolve naturally, and whatever happens, happens for a reason. Honestly! So my advice is not to stress about how your relationships might change, because eventually you will come to your new normal, and it may actually be better than before! Shoutout to all my friends from high school, you all mean so much to me and I’m so lucky to have such amazing friends!
Making Friends in College Freshman Year
Making friends freshman year might take a minute, but you will find your people! The best part of making friends freshman year for me was becoming friends with people who I may not have met anywhere else. What I did notice is that often your freshman year friends are those who are in close proximity to you – my best friends were my roommate and the girls who lived across the hall! So hang out with the other students in your dorm, in your sorority, or any other clubs/organizations you’re apart of! You’ll find people you want to hang out with, so don’t worry if it takes a little bit. And don’t be afraid to ask someone to grab food in the dining hall or study together, everyone else is in the same boat!
How Friendships Change Throughout College
The thing about being friends with the people in close proximity to you is that often times when you’re not living near them or spending as much time with your sorority or other organization, you won’t see them as much. And sometimes that leads to you growing apart. That’s okay, though! College really is such a whirlwind of change, the people you were friends with at the beginning may not be your friends towards the end. This definitely happened with me and some freshman year friends, but I really love all the girls I was friends with when I first came to TCU and I will forever be grateful they were there for one of the most significant years of my time at TCU!
After freshman year, I began to branch out, especially within my sorority, and found so many friends that I really can’t imagine life without! Freshman year I didn’t really know who I was, and the year was spent figuring (or trying to figure) that out. And that’s why after freshman year a lot of friendships began to shift – I really did change so much as a person in that year, and so as I continued on in college my friends began to change too. I’ve certainly figured out who I am, and once you know who you are, you’ll find those lifelong friendships! I’m super lucky though that some of those friends are girls I met my freshman year!
Be Picky!
You’ll meet so many great people in college, but my advice is to make sure you’re choosing to spend time with people who lift you up, support you, and make you feel good about yourself! There will be people who you might really care about, but who don’t make you feel so great when you’re with them. It’s okay to be picky about who you want to spend your time with. Like I’ve said a million times, you grow and change so much in college, so it’s alright to move on from any friendships in college that you don’t feel are supporting the ways that you need to grow and change.
Q & A
How did you make friends freshman year?
I talked about this a little earlier in the post, but honestly it happened very naturally for me. In the beginning I would ask girls in my hall or sorority to grab lunch or dinner (I even reached out to some girls I met during orientation!) and a lot of those trips to the cafeteria blossomed into real friendships! Another way I made one of my best friends at TCU was through our Class of 2020 Facebook group. I don’t know if incoming freshman still have those Facebook groups or GroupMes, but don’t be afraid to reach out to anyone you think you’d get along with!
How do you handle friendship drama in college?
This is such a great question! I have to be honest, freshman year I did not handle it well. I wish I could say friendships in college are drama-free, but they definitely weren’t (at least for me). Fortunately, I learned a whole lot and would say I’m much better prepared to handle any friendship drama that comes my way. My biggest advice is not to contribute or play into the drama, which when you’re 18-22 can be hard! Something about friendship drama in college is different, and I think it has to do with doing almost everything with your friends. In many cases, your family isn’t around and you’re living with your friends, so it’s hard to get away when you need some time. But, I’m 20 years old, I’m an adult, and in my opinion I shouldn’t have to deal with friendship drama at this stage in life. At this point, it’s immature and it’s petty! In college, we’re all adults and we need to learn to act like it. We’re just too old to be wasting our time on drama!! Anyone who brings drama into your life (or causes more drama when you make the decision to remove yourself from the situation) is not someone you need to be friends with! This might sound a little harsh, but drama is never good and never healthy! In short, I would say the best way to handle friendship drama is not to engage with it. You’ll feel so much better when you aren’t wasting your energy and can focus it on building and maintaining healthy friendships in college!
How do you keep in touch with friends from home?
This really varies for me!! Like I said, some I text almost daily and see multiple times when I go home and others I don’t see or text as often. I don’t really Facetime a lot of my friends just because we are all in different places and time zones, especially with it being junior year when a lot of my friends are or will be abroad!
I would say the best way to keep in touch is to text or call as frequently as works for you, and to make sure to ask questions about and keep up with the things going on in their life! If you only hit up your friends from home to rant about your problems, they’ll most likely not want to take your calls or respond to your texts, and that’s a really easy way for an old friendship to fizzle out. This is important with any friendship, but it has to be a two-way street!!
Even if you only chat a few times a semester, try to remember to ask about that class they were struggling with or their awesome new internship – that way they’ll know they’re important to you even if you may not talk as often as before! And when you have a break coming up, be sure to reach out to see when they’ll be home, because breaks often fill up and pass by quicker than expected. This way you can plan a brunch date or movie night in advance!
What do you do if you’ve lost touch with a friend from high school?
This depends! If you two have lost touch and you want to reconnect, there is absolutely no shame in reaching out to see if they want to get coffee when you’re at home, or even just texting to ask how they’re doing. More often than not they’ll want to catch up! Sometimes, unfortunately, they won’t make time to hang or those texts will fizzle out and you lose touch again, and to me that’s just a sign that you shouldn’t stress about moving on from that friendship. I’m a big believer that if someone wants to be a part of your life they’ll put in the effort!
On the other hand, if you don’t feel like reaching out that’s also fine. I know it can feel weird or uncomfortable, but if you two were close at one point there’s no reason to make things awkward. If you happen to see each other around your hometown, there’s no harm is saying hi!
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Whew! Thank you so much for reading and making it through a longer post! It really means so much that you want to hear from me and hear about more personal topics like navigating friendships in college. And another shoutout for all my amazing, wonderful, beautiful friends! I love you all so much!
xx, C
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